Ever felt like cutting off all contact with your family? There’s a slew of self-help books currently published which encourage individuals to do just that.
These bear such titles as ‘The Power of Parting: Finding Peace and Freedom Through Family Estrangement, by Eamon Dolan; Surviving the Toxic Family by Marina Williams; Rules of Estrangement – Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict, by Joshua Coleman. And many more of that ilk, apparently part of a trend.
Counsel
The general counsel given is that when parents, or other family members, have a negative or ‘toxic’ impact on a person – seek empowerment by walking away, and ceasing all contact.
If you judge by graveyard inscriptions, or obituaries, most people love their parents, and family, even if there can be – usually are – conflicts and differences”
I personally find this chilling – were we not taught to “Honour thy father and thy mother”? I suppose there might be extreme cases where a parent is abusive, and the impact is damaging on the offspring, but surely this is unusual?
If you judge by graveyard inscriptions, or obituaries, most people love their parents, and family, even if there can be – usually are – conflicts and differences.
An example of such family tensions has emerged in the case of Beatrice and Eugenie, daughters of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson. According to royal commentators in Britain, these young women, aged 37 and 35, are being told to distance themselves publicly from their parents, recently stripped of their titles of Duke and Duchess of York. The charities sponsored by Andrew and Sarah have cut links with the couple, because of their friendship with the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, – which persisted after his conviction – (as well as a series of associated scandals.)
Christmas
Beatrice and Eugenie are being advised not to spend Christmas with their parents, and not to share social media messages celebrating birthdays and other family events. Their parents are now designated as ‘toxic’ for the girls.
Ironically, the Yorks have been a close family, despite Andrew and Fergie’s divorce; Fergie has posted many ‘happy family’ social media photos.
The siblings, who still bear the prefix HRH, remain ninth and twelfth, respectively, in line to the throne; but their position and social standing is being tainted by their parents’ wrecked reputations.
And yet – the old Biblical question is asked: should the sins of the parents be visited on the children?
For all the privileges these princesses have enjoyed until now, most people probably wouldn’t envy their position. It’s a distressing circumstance to have to shut out a parent, who, for all their failings and errors, is nevertheless the person who brought you into the world.
In her memoir, She Died Young, the actress Brenda Fricker writes about how punitive and cruel her mother was; and yet, for all that, she loved her, and yearned for her love.
The York girls will have to decide, before the Christmas season, whether to stand by their parents, or take the route being advised – to pursue the path of family estrangement.
***
I spent Presidential Election Day at Ypres (Ieper) in Belgium, on an excursion to commemorate the fallen of the First World War.
Such an experience makes you feel that President-elect Connolly has a point when she emphasises her opposition to war. At the Passchendaele museum, a disembodied voice reads out the names of the men who died in that terrible battle in 1917; what is so striking were their ages: “Aged 20, aged 24, aged 19, aged 17…”
Some older men also died at Passchendaele, among whom was honourably mentioned Fr Willie Doyle, aged 44, the brave Jesuit chaplain who was killed while rescuing a wounded soldier.
The rows upon rows of white stone graves stretch over the flat terrain of Flanders, while nearby cows graze tranquilly. Each grave marks a memory; and many bear that most touching description for those whose remains were never identified: “A soldier of the Great War: Known only to God.”
Catherine Connolly will be inaugurated on November 11, when that tragic war is commemorated by some in Northern Ireland as ‘Poppy Day’. Perhaps indeed, a moment to pause for peace.
P.S. By the way, I erred last week in supposing that CC might be addressed as “Mrs Connolly”. But that is not her married name – Connolly is her patronymic.
***
As I am constantly studying the statistics of falling baby births and the ‘demographic winter’ we are facing, I was cheered to learn that Princess Caroline of Monaco, 68, has become a grandmother for the eighth time.
Her newest grandchild is Bianca Caroline Marta, born on October 4, whose parents are her son Pierre Casirighi and his wife Beatrice Borromeo.
Her other grandchildren are named Francesco, Stefano, Sacha, India, Maximilian, Raphael, and Balthaser (for anyone interested in baby names). As Caroline’s youngest daughter, Alexandra of Hanover, is only 26, Caroline – who says she loves babies – may well increase her granny score to several more.
When offspring are told to ditch ‘toxic’ parents
Ever felt like cutting off all contact with your family? There’s a slew of self-help books currently published which encourage individuals to do just that.
These bear such titles as ‘The Power of Parting: Finding Peace and Freedom Through Family Estrangement, by Eamon Dolan; Surviving the Toxic Family by Marina Williams; Rules of Estrangement – Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict, by Joshua Coleman. And many more of that ilk, apparently part of a trend.
Counsel
The general counsel given is that when parents, or other family members, have a negative or ‘toxic’ impact on a person – seek empowerment by walking away, and ceasing all contact.
I personally find this chilling – were we not taught to “Honour thy father and thy mother”? I suppose there might be extreme cases where a parent is abusive, and the impact is damaging on the offspring, but surely this is unusual?
If you judge by graveyard inscriptions, or obituaries, most people love their parents, and family, even if there can be – usually are – conflicts and differences.
An example of such family tensions has emerged in the case of Beatrice and Eugenie, daughters of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson. According to royal commentators in Britain, these young women, aged 37 and 35, are being told to distance themselves publicly from their parents, recently stripped of their titles of Duke and Duchess of York. The charities sponsored by Andrew and Sarah have cut links with the couple, because of their friendship with the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, – which persisted after his conviction – (as well as a series of associated scandals.)
Christmas
Beatrice and Eugenie are being advised not to spend Christmas with their parents, and not to share social media messages celebrating birthdays and other family events. Their parents are now designated as ‘toxic’ for the girls.
Ironically, the Yorks have been a close family, despite Andrew and Fergie’s divorce; Fergie has posted many ‘happy family’ social media photos.
The siblings, who still bear the prefix HRH, remain ninth and twelfth, respectively, in line to the throne; but their position and social standing is being tainted by their parents’ wrecked reputations.
And yet – the old Biblical question is asked: should the sins of the parents be visited on the children?
For all the privileges these princesses have enjoyed until now, most people probably wouldn’t envy their position. It’s a distressing circumstance to have to shut out a parent, who, for all their failings and errors, is nevertheless the person who brought you into the world.
In her memoir, She Died Young, the actress Brenda Fricker writes about how punitive and cruel her mother was; and yet, for all that, she loved her, and yearned for her love.
The York girls will have to decide, before the Christmas season, whether to stand by their parents, or take the route being advised – to pursue the path of family estrangement.
***
I spent Presidential Election Day at Ypres (Ieper) in Belgium, on an excursion to commemorate the fallen of the First World War.
Such an experience makes you feel that President-elect Connolly has a point when she emphasises her opposition to war. At the Passchendaele museum, a disembodied voice reads out the names of the men who died in that terrible battle in 1917; what is so striking were their ages: “Aged 20, aged 24, aged 19, aged 17…”
Some older men also died at Passchendaele, among whom was honourably mentioned Fr Willie Doyle, aged 44, the brave Jesuit chaplain who was killed while rescuing a wounded soldier.
The rows upon rows of white stone graves stretch over the flat terrain of Flanders, while nearby cows graze tranquilly. Each grave marks a memory; and many bear that most touching description for those whose remains were never identified: “A soldier of the Great War: Known only to God.”
Catherine Connolly will be inaugurated on November 11, when that tragic war is commemorated by some in Northern Ireland as ‘Poppy Day’. Perhaps indeed, a moment to pause for peace.
P.S. By the way, I erred last week in supposing that CC might be addressed as “Mrs Connolly”. But that is not her married name – Connolly is her patronymic.
***
As I am constantly studying the statistics of falling baby births and the ‘demographic winter’ we are facing, I was cheered to learn that Princess Caroline of Monaco, 68, has become a grandmother for the eighth time.
Her newest grandchild is Bianca Caroline Marta, born on October 4, whose parents are her son Pierre Casirighi and his wife Beatrice Borromeo.
Her other grandchildren are named Francesco, Stefano, Sacha, India, Maximilian, Raphael, and Balthaser (for anyone interested in baby names). As Caroline’s youngest daughter, Alexandra of Hanover, is only 26, Caroline – who says she loves babies – may well increase her granny score to several more.
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