The eighth book of Augustine’s Confessions describes the climactic moment of his conversion to Christianity after a prolonged spiritual struggle with his own divided will. This book recounts the final steps of his journey toward fully committing to God, culminating in the famous struggle in the garden and a decisive moment when he hears a child’s voice and is moved to read an important passage from St Paul’s Letter to the Romans that resolves his inner turmoil and banishes all doubt.
In Book VIII, Augustine reflects on his long spiritual journey and his many life experiences both positive and negative that have led him to this point of conversion. Augustine observes that suffering in life is unavoidable: “Even the natural pleasures of human life are attained through distress, not only through the unexpected calamities that befall against our will but also through deliberate and planned discomfort.”
Burdened
Human beings, including himself, are burdened by life events they cannot control (illness, accidents, natural disasters, war, social injustices, etc.), and burden themselves with poor life decisions (bad habits, risky behaviour, financial mistakes, relationship choices, health neglect, etc.). Nevertheless, he says, natural law has decided that it is only this way that we can then experience joy and peace — a foreshadowing of what he will find at the end of this book: “In every case greater sorrow issues in greater joy.”
A student of human nature, Augustine observes many different lifestyles while he is trying to change his own. No longer interested in worldly ambition, fame, and wealth, he finds himself in a place between the secular world and a future life in God’s house.
Augustine is not waiting around idly for divine grace. He has grown in his faith and in his ability to reorder and redirect his desires, moving them away from temporary worldly pleasures and toward God, whom he slowly realises is the only source of true, lasting happiness. Nevertheless, he is still encumbered by certain lustful habits and compulsions. These two kinds of desires, he describes, “fought it out […] and in their struggle tore my soul apart.”
In my wretched state, who was there to free me from this death-doomed body, save your grace through Jesus Christ our Lord?”
Like a person waking from sleep, he is preparing to wholly embrace Truth, but the pleasures of spiritual sleep and lethargy still hold him back. He acknowledges that his spirit has been readying itself, but what he seeks can only be fully accomplished with the aid of divine grace: “In my wretched state, who was there to free me from this death-doomed body, save your grace through Jesus Christ our Lord?”
Confessions is a story of Augustine’s conversion to the Christian faith. That said, in Book VIII Augustine also recounts the inspiring stories of the conversions of several of his friends who helped him along the way. As we already saw in previous books, Augustine views all human beings as individuals; hence each person’s conversion story is unique. Thus, in the end, Augustine shows how our unique spiritual journeys and conversion stories intertwine and influence one another.
Augustine writes of two older friends, Simplicianus, a revered Christian priest, philosopher, and spiritual father of Bishop Ambrose, and Victorinus, a highly respected Roman rhetorician and one of Simplicianus’ spiritual mentees. Victorinus enjoyed reading and scrutinising holy scripture and Christian writings.
Inspired
He declared to Simplicianus privately that these readings had so inspired him, he was already a Christian in his heart, although he was not ready to declare it publicly, fearing what his friends who believed in “sacrilegious rites of proud demons” would say or do to him. It was his readings that finally convinced him, however, for he eventually came to fear more greatly being renounced by Christ and his holy angels. In the end he decided to make the declaration of his Christian faith publicly on a raised platform before the Roman community according to the custom of the time.
Another friend named Ponticianus was a North African court official and Christian who visited St Augustine in Milan. There he recounted to Augustine the inspiring story of St Anthony the Great and the conversion of two friends who were inspired by Anthony’s ascetic life to leave secular careers for monasticism. This pivotal story deeply affected Augustine, prompting his self-examination right before his important decision to convert to Christianity.
I rushed to Alypius with my mental anguish plain upon my face. ‘What is happening to us?’ I exclaimed. ‘What does this mean?’”
At this point in Book VIII, Augustine and his friend Alypius are among the last to convert. Augustine’s anxiety has reached a point of crisis: “Within the house of my spirit the violent conflict raged on, the quarrel with my soul that I had so powerfully provoked in our secret dwelling, my heart, and at the height of it I rushed to Alypius with my mental anguish plain upon my face. ‘What is happening to us?’ I exclaimed. ‘What does this mean?’”
Augustine says very little about the garden where he and Alypius find themselves. We know that the garden as a metaphor for the heart has origins in antiquity (in such a garden, the flowers and plants represent specific virtues). Here we can clearly see that Augustine’s heart is suffering greatly. He implores God’s help.
It is in this moment that he hears a voice singing repeatedly the phrase “Pick it up and read. Pick it up and read.” Recalling Ponticianus’ story of how St Anthony in the desert had followed the instruction of a gospel text, he decides to open a book nearby, the letters of St Paul, and read the first passage that he sees which just so happens to be from Romans 13:13–14.
Guidance
His friend Alypius does likewise and discovers a different passage of Scripture that offers him guidance. It is a moment in Confessions that highlights the importance of spiritual friendship, where one friend’s conversion strengthens the other’s resolve. It shows that the spiritual journey is personal but also social: with Alypius by his side Augustine is never alone in Book VIII even during one of the most difficult moments in his life. Furthermore, even though he may feel like God has abandoned him, he is given grace.
Book VIII emphasises conversion in community. It underlines how we can and should cultivate friendships with others, and this includes God. In the last two paragraphs of Book VIII, Augustine finally feels emotions of joy and peace. He writes: “I closed the book, marking the place with a finger between the leaves or by some other means, and told Alypius what had happened. My face was peaceful now.” And he shares his new-found conviction with his mother Monica who is “overjoyed”:
Sarah Faggioli received her PhD in Italian literature from the University of Chicago in 2014. For the last eight years she has taught in the Augustine and Culture Seminar Program at Villanova University (alma mater of Leo XIV) just outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA.
All quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken with kind permission from Augustine, The Confessions, translated by Maria Boulding, New City Press, 2019, and the mobile app, edited by Allan Fitzgerald and Noël Falco Dolan.
